new mandatory Life Experiences regarding sleep

So today I learned things. And I don't mean things like the capital of Alabama or how to spell 'discombobulated'. I mean valuable life lessons that are crucial to my continued survival on the least possible amount of sleep necessary to sustain life. I'll start at the beginning. Or as close to it as I can remember.

Life lesson numero uno: Commission a real live person to wake you up in the morning if you fall into bed already asleep two hours before dawn the night before. Alarms are not to be trusted with this responsibility, as they will balk and allow you to turn them off as a sleep-zombie. They will then sit quietly and watch you snooze on through any obligations you had that morning. Bastards.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ghlc77E_2E
...that's a picture, I swear. Not really. But please, click that. I think I would murder myself. Every morning.

Life lesson deux: Monster tastes way better than red bull (which tastes even worse than medicine, I've been meaning to ask them how they managed to do that) even though it's still pretty gross. Sublessson deux: Taste doesn't matter when you're already tired and you know that you need to stay awake. It also helps if someone  else buys it for you.

FUCK YEAH, FREE MONSTER ...oh, um, thanks man...

Life lesson... three: Dubstep is amazing for keeping oneself awake. Not only is it amazing for matching your stride or head bobbing to, it's just obnoxious enough to keep your focus, thereby not allowing your mind to wander to subjects like how much you would rather be in bed. Sublesson three: It's even better for those who can't study and/or read with music in the background, because there's no real words in dubstep to distract you from the shit you're trying to read.

Uncannily similar. 

Also very comparable, though it would be much harder to focus on homework if there were transformers having sex in your living room. I mean, your entire house would be in smithereens by then. 

Life lesson IV: Don't work at Chipotle if you don't want to work. Hard. All day, every day. Or if you have terrible or even moderate people skills. Sublesson IV: Try the salad dressing. It's delicious.

also try the purrito. It's a new special.