Nailed it.

Friends. Romans. Countrymen. I have just won at life. A small aspect of life, and in my life specifically, but nevertheless, I have won it. So it's Friend's birthday tomorrow. Friend, whom I see almost every single day. We were talking about what she wanted yesterday in her dorm, and she told me that she had a random list of things she wants on her computer. (I have to reign in my resentment that she owns a mac because she's my friend. Supposedly.) I scoffed, thinking "How presumptuous, having a list of things you want people to buy you!" Now? People with lists of shit they want who are willing to share it with people who have to buy them shit are my favorite kind of people. It's way better than buying things for people that they might not want. This method takes out a little bit of the surprise factor, but there is a one hundred percent success rate of the victim liking what you got them. Anyway, so I scrolled through all the video games and stuff that there was no way I would ever be able to afford, until lo and behold! Friend wants leather-bound copies of Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass!
My brain immediately rejoices. More mead, for tonight we feast! it says. My mind is a strange place... But I digress. I had bought a book a year ago because I thought it was pretty and would make me look like the kind of person I wanted people to think I was if I owned it. I've never evened cracked the spine, or flipped the gold-edged pages. Its title? Something like The Completed Works of Lewis Carroll. Score!
That's the good news. The bad news? I live with my grandmother because she's closer to College than my house is. This book? Back at home, gathering dust on the bookshelf. Immediately upon exiting Friend's general vicinity, I whip out my cellular device. My dad works right near campus, so how awesome would it be if he could bring The Book to me? Kickass, that's how awesome. I call him up. He's in. Kickass. 
All that was last night. So true to form, Dad dropped The Book off about an hour ago. But I couldn't 't just give this random book to Friend and be like 'Happy birthday...' and awkwardly shuffle off. No. Absolutely not my style at all. So, I ask Grandmother if I can use some wrapping paper. She's like 'Sure!' except with a lot more words 'cause she can never just answer the question without launching into a speech about something else that may or may not be related. So I wrapped this book like a boss with the limited Christmas-themed items that were available to me in my grandma's stash and an onigiri sticker that I found in my desk.

Next order of business was a card. I look in my desk again, and I find only thank you cards. What the hell, she can deal. The finished product? "Thank you..." printed on the outside, "For being awesome!" written on the inside. Nailed it.  So, overall? I just spent zero dollars on a birthday present I found out about two days before the 'due date'.